White Ribbon Day 2024: Darren's story

Trigger Warning: This interview contains sensitive content related to physical abuse, violence, and trauma.

The following content may be distressing for some individuals who have experienced or are currently dealing with similar experiences. If you feel triggered or emotionally overwhelmed, please consider seeking support from a mental health professional, helpline or a trusted person in your life.

On White Ribbon Day 2024 Daren Childs has shared his courageous journey of survival and healing after both him and his mother experienced physical abuse from his father at a young age. The hostile environment at home, shaped by his alcoholism, left him anxious and fearful. Despite the abuse, over time, Darren learned to break the cycle of violence, seek professional help, and create a positive and loving environment for his family.

Darren, who works as a Retirement Living Co-Ordinator at the Wrekin Housing Group said:

“My mum suffered domestic abuse for many years. And then when I was old enough to sort of get in the way, I suffered as well.

“It was just the constant fights and arguments. The abuse was physical, verbal and financial as well. Dad controlled all the money, which made it very difficult for my mum to think she could leave.

“My dad was a gamekeeper and a big drinker, so there were guns in the house as well. It was a scary situation. And one of his favourite tricks was just to take the shotgun out. He would say he's going to kill himself and you’d hear gunshots. You didn't know whether he had or not. Some really awful things went on. One night when we tried escaping in the car, he jumped on the bonnet of the car and rolled off and into the hedge.

“When it was really bad we would phone my grandad, and he'd come over and calm things down. It wasn’t a normal relationship – my mum would sleep in a separate room with my sister It was a strange existence.

“It got to a point when mum realised she could leave. She started working and earning her own money. I suppose you can only put up with that for so long. I’m glad she did. She’s safe and happy now. It’s not an easy thing to leave – unless you’ve experienced it you don’t know how bad it is and how you fear for your life.

“At the time, there’s a little bit of thinking like it’s your fault. Even though the situation is bad, as a young kid, you don't want your mum and dad to split up because that's all you know. I would get told that things were my fault, even though they weren’t.

“When you've been told that you're worth nothing. When you've been called the worst things imaginable, when you’ve been spat on – it stays with you. That's not a good start to your life when it comes to your confidence and self-esteem, because you don’t have any.

“I got to my late teens or early 20s and realised if I didn’t start talking about what I’d been though, I might not be around for very long.

“I cried when my dad died. Even though he wasn’t a good dad, he was still 50% of the reason why I am on this planet. It was upsetting because I thought of what could have been and the life and relationship we should have had.

“I think the experience has taught me how to treat women really well, and treat them properly with love and respect. My wife and girls and everything to me. As a dad of four daughters, I’ve spent my whole life trying to be the opposite of him. My mum is doing well, we have a really good family environment, and they are really happy and safe.”

25th November 2024